As I said in my last post I went back to Andover last weekend, during this time I got to see friends, family and the occasional person who I went to school with (in which you don't class as friends because you don't actually talk to each other.... you just seem to nod). With this visit I went to Tesco's which since my time away has grown a lot and has taken over half of a random field thing that use to be next to it but still I went to Tesco's.
In Tesco's (or in fact any supermarket) I head straight for the reduced sections and as I got to the bakery reduced section I spied a deal that made my mouth water.... a pack of 4 cheese rolls (you know the rolls with cheese on) for 9p!! So I grabbed them and put them in my basket and walked on to the hot food section and looked for any reduced goods there. I found some chicken which had been reduced from two pounds down to 33p so I grabbed it and put it in my basket and kept on walking.
Now as I turned a corner I saw only what I could call reduced heaven, doughnuts.... cookies.... cheesecakes.... yogurts.... desserts... everything a sane person would want but only really want in reduced form. So I walked towards the reduced section. I arrived and I started to think about what I would like to eat so I got some white chocolate and strawberry Tesco's finest cookies and put them in my basket and as I turned around I felt a tug on the basket and there was a old lady taking my reduced things out of my basket and putting them in HER trolley.
Fairly startled I said "Excuse me, those were my items you can't just take them out of other peoples baskets", her response wasn't exactly what I was looking for which was a line of fairly offensive words followed by her telling to "go home". I wasn't happy and as she slowly (and I mean slowly) walked off with her trolley I devised a plan to get all of my stuff back from her... the cookies.... the chicken.... and the cheese rolls.
My plan was going to be I would follow her but not to close and as she turned away I would walk past her trolley grab something and keep walking. I thought it was a genius plan and so I put it into action.
The first point of operation grabster was going... I walked up and as I looked into her trolley I got a sudden rush of adrenaline and I grabbed about 5 items and ran.
I legged it all the way from canned items to clothes (which is the other side of the floor) and I thought that I would be save in mens underwear so I hid out there for about 5 minutes. I looked down at the items that I had grabbed and to my relief my items were in there but also was a foot scraper and some sort of fish in a jar which looked absolutely hideous.
But still I wasn't safe yet. The old lady could be looking for me. Hunting me like prey. So I quickly devised another cunning plan in which I would return the foot scraper and the jarred fish back to their shelves and I would then proceed to the self service tills and be home free. There was just one problem I didn't know where these items went because since I had been gone they had changed the layout of Tesco's completely.
So I looked for the nearest Tesco's worker that I could see and that was it, head down I walked to her and said I had found these items in the clothing section and I didn't know where to return them to. She (with a smile on her face) said "oh thankyou, I will take care of them for you have a good day sir" and she walked off with them in hand. A sigh of relief came over me, I was over one section of the operation and now to get to the tills.
I had no clue if that old lady would be around or anything but I slowly and tactically made my way through Tesco's shuffling my way through different aisles so I would be spotted easily by my enemy. Then I saw the signs for the tills. My heart jumped with joy and I started to see the end of a torrid time at Tesco's, as I approached I made sure that everything was clear on the aisles and at all the checkouts. It was. So I stepped out into the openess of the till section at Tesco's and started my self service, as I scanned my first item I had an almost smile as if everything was going to be fine.
In the distance I could see a person pushing a trolley but I thought "it doesn't matter, just stick with the mission" and I continued to scan my items and then my clubcard but as I came to pay I realized I didn't have change only my card. So I swiped my card and waited..... and waited........ and waited................ and waited....... and as I was waiting the person got closer aisle 10....... aisle 7....... aisle 4....... aisle 2......... and finally she was next to me.
Trying to be invisible I typed in my pin code and waited as the dreaded old lady gave me a look of "haven't I seen you before" she then turned to see what was in her items and she then shouted "This man stole my items!" I freaked out, my card payment was accepted on what was probably the longest payment ever in history to go through and as I took out the card and receipt I heard a voice from behind me "Is there a problem here?" I turned to see this big security guard and I replied "No, not at all" I started to walk off and the old lady started telling the guard all about her ordeal and how everything in the world was my fault.
I only had one thing on my mind though....... How good is my dinner going to be tonight!
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