Home....

This last weekend I went back to my hometown and spent some great times with old friends and my family. I came to the awkward place of trying to work out if Yeovil was my home or if Andover was.

See the way I have always always looked at it is that home is where your family are, your friends and where your most comfortable. Home is somewhere safe, trusting and loving. Home is somewhere in which on a horrible day at school/work you can come home and shut the door and not have a care in the world left in your head because your in your own castle where no one can bother you.

But honestly who actually lives with this belief now? In this world there are so many problems, pains, stress's and worries. My old home in Andover has so much history I can only manage to go there for maybe 4 hours maximum before I start to get uncomfortable. This was my family home. Where I grew up and had a lot of my life in.

There was a change in the house from when it was my castle to when it transformed itself into a kind of prison, but not a prison in the way that I could never leave but more of a prison in which it would never let those memories and pains go away. It seems that when I come away from Andover I have a way of just letting go of all of these memories but as soon as I see the house they all crawl back into my mind.

This is where the safety of the home and the comfort and all the joys of the home suddenly were chucked out the window and I never managed to regain that, instead I escaped to my friends houses, youth groups and just the streets and eventually a different country. My love still remains with my family but I can't love the history of that house, I can't have to much of a relaxing time in the house because I am scared of letting those memories creep in.

So my new thoughts on Home are as follows.......

Home is where your heart is... cheesey I know but I have been trying to work this out in head for a while but my heart is truly with Rachel and where ever I feel we are called to be. My heart is still with my family and my love is still fully for my family but my heart is not in Andover but with Rachel in America. Confusing huh?

I find it hard to work out why my heart isn't in the house that I grew up in but I have worked out that the love that I am able to give out is separated between my love for Rachel, my family and God. I guess I'm just trying to type the state of my heart right now. Thanks for reading

Home is where your heart is...