So last week I went to a conference, it was great. I saw some friends I don't really get to see much and I got taught on some really encouraging and challenging subjects which was great. But the main thing I got taught over the time was how God was rebuilding me into a new me......
This has been painful, tiring, stressful and ridiculous at times but I feel God has made progress in me. This has become more evident to me over the past 24 hours really by my actions, words and the way that I spoke.
It was last night when I completely opened up to Rachel about an issue I have had for quite a long time now. This sounds quite odd because Rachel is my wife and I should tell her everything and I honestly thought I had until this area arose. I told her about my problem with my weight. Its not a life or death issue to me at all. Its more of a "if I lost a couple of pounds I would be a little more comfortable with myself" area. So this is what we spoke about.....
Now I have had this in my head for about 9 years now and I can't tell you the release that I felt when I told her. I hadn't really spoken to anyone else about it before as I thought it was just an area that I could sort out on my own but it wasn't right to keep this from her as it was making space in our relationship.
I felt like God was and still is trying to teach me that self esteem is a big issue and you might be able to put on a confident show but still suffer from a low self esteem, this is the area in which I struggle with...
Dont get me wrong, by letting people know this I am not saying I am no longer going to be the same person I just feel that God is telling me to recognize my own flaws and by doing so I could be made into something so much more.
By looking at the heart of why I want to lose weight it made a lot more sense to me. I wanted and still want to loose weight because I want to be the best I can be for God in my relationship with Rachel. When I got married to her I felt a lot of awkwardness to myself when it came to that area but God and Rachel through Him are helping me through this.
It was a great conference and I am excited to see what the future holds for a high self esteem Jamie.
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