Surrender.....

sur·ren·der

 

1.

to yield (something) to the possession or power of another;deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: tosurrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the stolen goods to thepolice.

2.

to give (oneself) up, as to the police.

3.

to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion,etc.: He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.

4.

to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).

5.

to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another.

I have had a lot on my mind lately. 

My wife Rachel has been on and off ill for a while and I am trying my best to look after her, to not see it as my job but rather my privilege to do so. 

My job has had a lot of ups and downs and I have got some serious decisions to make about my future within that and my responsibility to provide for my family. 

My mum recently got taken into hospital, with the doctors still unsure about what is the defining reasons to her being ill have kept her there. 

I failed a section of my university course.

Meltdown time. 

I broke down. 

I was out of my depth, out of my comfort zone completely.

How am I suppose to sort out all these problems?

How am I suppose to fix all these issues? 

How am I suppose to fill every need that there is right now and still try to be me.....?

I can't.

It has taken me a lot of sleepless nights, walks and times of near desperation to work out this very simple thing. 

Give all your problems, your pain, your love, your life to God and trust that He is in control.

I don't know how many times that I have been told to just surrender my all to Jesus and it will be sorted to His will. 

I have lost count. 

But to actually surrender everything I am to Him. 

Thats crazy. 

How can I physically, emotionally give everything to Him?

Because He gave everything for us. 

He gave us life, life with meaning, life with purpose, life with freedom, life with love, life with choice, life with a journey. Life.

He surrendered Himself fully to the Father. 

He gave himself fully to us. 

He exchanged Himself, His life for ours. 

For mine, for yours, for everyones. 

And yet I still turn around and doubt that I can do it in return. 

Thats because I am so far from being Jesus it scares me to even comprehend what He has done for me. 

Being a Christian doesn't mean that I have it all sorted.

I don't.

I am still and will be forever working it out. 

Thats because God loved us so much He gave His Son to die on the cross for our sins. 

Thats because even when we feel like we have burned every bridge back to God, Jesus turns around and opens our eyes to the cross again. 

Don't get disheartened for not being able to surrender it all to God. He understands, it isn't an excuse to stop trying or to just accept defeat but it is a chance to look closer at the cross and see how much love and acceptance was put into that act.

Jesus loves you.

God accepts you.